Periodically I love sharing coaching client results and how they are doing with their approaches to “changing” what is not working for them. For purposes of telling her story, I will call her “Ginny”. Imagine one of the most dynamic, strong, confident and influential women you have ever met and this is Ginny.
She is closing in on 50 years of age and is in the food industry. To clarify, she is in the “fine dining” level of the food industry. Ginny has 15 years of experience in dealing with stars, athletes, news anchors, celebrities from all lifestyles, and she does it well. She can talk the small talk and keeps up with the latest news of the trade.
Ginny’s staff has worked with her for the full 15 years that she has been with this fine dining establishment, where she holds the title of Vice President. Her title should actually be VP of Everything. Ginny contacted me for coaching because she felt that she had lost influence with the owner and that he treated her like a glorified administrative assistant. She wanted to be clear about her position within the company and her standing with the owner.
We did a leadership and communication assessment to gather information and create a snapshot of her current strengths and talents. The assessment also gives us information on how she communicates, motivates, what she values, how she operates, and generally what is most important to her in how she leads.
We discovered that Ginny has many strengths and talents. We also discovered that she has some habits that could be contributing to her issues with her position in the company and in her relationship with the restaurant owner.
First of all, Ginny has little or no tolerance for people who think, speak or work more slowly than she does. The problem with her lack of tolerance is that much of the world around her moves more slowly than she does. The habits that she developed over the years to deal with each new added responsibility were to work faster, harder and move at breakneck speed.
Ginny’s speech patterns, pacing and tone are fast. She speaks at an 800-900 words per minute with the average speech patterns at 400 words per minute. She is racing through her conversations with people – especially the people at work.
Her body language, as she moves toward people, is like watching a racer come toward you. She projects an image of fast, big, powerful and “don’t waste my time”.
Ginny also brings a high amount of passion that is interpreted as high emotion to meetings and conversations.
Here is this very effective person charging around, appearing to give orders, too busy to really listen to you, with a conversational pace of REALLY FAST and totally sure that what she is doing/speaking is right and all with high emotion.
After six weeks of working together, Ginny had her influence back. In fact, people were not sure what changed, but all of her direct reports commented on it. People asked her if she had lost weight or changed her hair. Her boss now refers to her as “we” when speaking in organizational and strategy meetings.
We worked together on the following:
- 65% – 70% of the world does not speak, move or gesture like she does
- People need feedback, not just instructions
- Passion and emotions are necessary to make a point, not as a conversational habit
- Effectiveness comes in many packages and she needs to recognize that and support it
- Being right only annoys, being effective means, you are aware and in rapport with those around you
Ginny also feels much better. She is less stressed and less righteous about things being done her way. Ginny recognizes now when she is in her “hard charging” mode and uses it to create influence rather than people running in the other direction. She had to become aware and practices her awareness on a daily basis. It is not easy, but it is a simple and powerful shift.
Another result is that the restaurant owner now seeks Ginny out and asks her opinion. By creating this powerful shift for herself through coaching she realized that she has a choice. She can either be “right” or she can be “effective.” Smart, success-seeking individuals want to know when they are not effective. Ginny now knows her habits and chooses influence, confidence and success each and every time. You can create your own powerful shift from being and feeling weak and ineffective to being and feeling influential. You do have a choice.
© Copyright 2009 by Natalie Manor. All Rights Reserved. This article may be copied and used in your own newsletter or on your website as long as you include the following information: “Written by Natalie R. Manor, CEO, author, business consultant, speaker and executive coach. NMA, Natalie Manor & Associates is your ultimate resource for leadership and communication development for managers and executives to maximize your potential and increase your productivity.
